My Friend Lies About Her Food Allergy
Dear FAANTeen,
Tina and I have been best friends for a few years. One reason we’re so close is that we’re both allergic to nuts. We’ve always looked out for each other, but things are changing now that we'll be in high school next year.
She’s acting like a different person. She’s begun lying about her allergies because she is worried the popular kids won’t like her because of them. When we’re hanging out with friends and food is offered, she tells people she doesn’t like the food instead of admitting her allergy. When a popular girl offered us some chocolate candy, I said I couldn’t eat it because I’m allergic to nuts. Tina said she couldn’t because she is watching her weight.
I’m worried something bad will happen to her if she doesn’t tell the truth. Should I tell people about her food allergies to protect her?
There must be something in the water when people hit middle school or high school — sometimes the transition to a new school does strange things to people. Some kids dye their hair; some pierce everything imaginable; and others, like your friend Tina, become uncomfortable with anything — including a food allergy — that makes them stand out from the crowd. Although it’s a difficult stage to watch your friends go through, until they become comfortable with themselves again, there’s usually not much you can say to change their minds.
What you can do, however, is continue to set a good example for Tina. Show her that having a nut allergy doesn’t set you apart from the cool crowd any more than having freckles or being left-handed. It’s just a unique part of who you are, and the more comfortable you are with your allergy, the more accepting other people will be of it as well.
Unfortunately, even if you have the best of intentions, telling people about Tina’s allergy may make her even more uncomfortable than she already is. So, rather than telling other people about her allergy, tell them about your own. Teach your new friends about food allergies and how they can help keep you safe. Watching how others respond positively to your allergy may make it easier for Tina to talk about hers.
Remember, what some people find strange, others find distinctive. Kudos to you for being a good friend and an advocate for your own health. Tina will come around — but until then, taking good care of yourself and setting a good example are the best ways to help your friend. Good luck!
Marguerite is a 24-year-old graduate of the College of William and Mary. She lives in northern Virginia and likes to run, write, and cook.
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The information above is not designed to take the place of a doctor’s instructions. Patients are urged to contact a doctor for specific information regarding guidelines for care.
