My Parents Think My Boyfriend Is Irresponsible

Having a reaction is scary enough, but when you have a reaction to food given to you by someone you know and trust, the emotional issues about your reaction can be pretty complex — not just for you, but for everyone involved.

Your parents are probably scared—and as parents, their No. 1 priority is to make sure you stay safe and healthy. While I’m sure their request for you to stop dating your boyfriend may seem pretty unfair to you, to them, it’s just the easiest way to support their top priority.

That said, your boyfriend is probably pretty scared right now as well. Not to mention that I’m sure he feels terrible for having accidentally caused you to have a reaction. While I know it seems like he and your parents are archenemies right now, they actually have a lot in common: both sides care about you a lot, both sides are scared that you had a reaction, and both sides want to make sure you stay safe and healthy.

Convincing your parents that your boyfriend is, in fact, responsible won’t happen overnight. However, here are a few things you and your boyfriend can do to help your parents see him in a more positive light:

Sit down and talk about it.

If your boyfriend is willing to sit and listen to your parents’ concerns, he will show them that he genuinely cares about you. Even better, use this as a teaching opportunity — invite your parents to go over some of the basics of how to prevent a reaction. Your parents will feel better knowing that they’ve educated your boyfriend on the severity of food allergies, and your boyfriend will have more confidence about helping you avoid your allergen if he learns directly from your folks.

Hit replay.

Go over exactly what happened the day of your reaction and talk about where the missing link was. Did your boyfriend forget to read the label? Was there some sort of cross contact between your allergen and the food you ate? By discussing the sequence of events that led to your reaction, you may be able to prevent another one from occurring.

Set up a probation period.

Make a deal with your parents — agree to read all labels and menus for yourself. This will put your parents more at ease about your spending time with your guy, and it will take a lot of pressure off him as well.

Watch how your boyfriend reacts to the situation.

A friend of mine used to use his food allergies as a litmus test when he first started dating someone. If she responded well when he told her about his allergy and went out of her way to help him avoid peanuts, then he knew she was a keeper. If she looked very uncomfortable or made no effort to learn more about his food allergy, then he knew she wasn’t the girl for him. The way your boyfriend responds to this stressful situation will give both your parents and you a good indication of whether he’s someone you want to keep in your life.

Good luck!