My Mom Thinks Food Allergies and Dating Don't Mix
Dear FAANTeen,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for about three weeks. My mother found out and told me that I wasn’t ready to date someone yet, partly because of my food allergy. She is worried that I’ll have a reaction while I’m out on a date.
I’m 15 and I think that if I had a reaction when she isn’t around, I’ll be able to handle it on my own. She wants me and my boyfriend to break up. Every time I try talking to her, she won’t listen. What should I do?
Establishing an open and trusting relationship with your parents now will make a huge difference in the freedoms you’re granted later; sneaking around will make your life infinitely more complicated. Luckily for you, it sounds like the real problem here isn’t your having a boyfriend, it sounds like what your mom is really concerned about is how you handle your food allergy when she’s not around.
Can you pinpoint reasons why your mom might be uncomfortable letting you go out? For example, do you tend to rely on her to read labels for you, rather than checking them yourself? When your family goes out to eat, do you explain your allergy to the waitstaff or do you let your parents handle the questioning for you? Do your friends know about your allergy and what to do if you start having a reaction while you are out with them? By pinpointing the source of your mom’s concern, you’ll have a better idea of what you can do to make her more at ease with the idea of your going out alone.
If you haven’t already done so, explain your allergy to your boyfriend and talk about ways he can help keep you safe. Go over what he should do if you start to have a reaction while you are out on a date with him—what your typical symptoms are, where you keep your medications, and how he can help if a reaction occurs.
Also be sure to discuss contact reactions—keep in mind that it’s possible to have a reaction just from kissing someone who has recently eaten the food to which you are allergic. Don’t be nervous about telling your boyfriend about your food allergy—any guy who cares about you and is worth keeping around will go out of his way to keep you safe.
If you’re having trouble talking to your mom about dating, try writing her a letter—that way she’ll be able to hear all of what you have to say before she reacts. Tell her why you think you’re ready to date and how you’d handle a reaction if one occurred when she wasn’t around. Explain that you’ve discussed your allergy with your boyfriend and have come up with a plan for how to keep you safe.
Finally, offer a compromise—if she’s worried about you having a reaction when she’s not around, offer that you and your boyfriend will steer clear of restaurants for a few weeks. By seeing a movie, going roller-skating, or listening to a concert you’ll minimize the focus on food and, instead, maximize your focus on deciding how much you like spending time with this guy—which, after all, should be the point of dating.
Marguerite is a 24-year-old graduate of the College of William and Mary. She lives in northern Virginia and likes to run, write, and cook.
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The information above is not designed to take the place of a doctor’s instructions. Patients are urged to contact a doctor for specific information regarding guidelines for care.
